Sunday, September 20, 2015

A Child of Light

A day when I felt like a child of light 

I've been thinking about my shadow self. The natural woman who is weak and liable to stray from love. The girl who slinks into my head to convince me that I'm 

ugly,
unlikable
and unremarkable.

She tells my heart that I am nothing to be taken seriously and that I have nothing to offer others. She critiques my posture and my appearance in general. She laughs at my attempts to create, at all my projects and plans. She holds my dreams for ransom over my head. She takes every opportunity to tell me I'm wrong or pious or small. She guilt trips me for decisions made or for choosing to have faith. Under her gaze I feel so completely ill at ease, awkward, anxious, and easily angered. 

Lately, I've let her reign. I've literally felt her hot anger boiling under my chest for the dumbest things. I've felt her sense of comparison rotting my interior gardens; seen her unbelief clouding my spiritual vision; heard her barking demand for fairness, for "justice," for recognition. I've believed some of her smoothest arguments. I've held on to her judgements. 

Doing so always has a sickening effect. 

But happily I find, as I did this week, that light casts her out. In sincere prayer I feel the Holy Spirit's comforting presence. I have to ask myself--if I really am so ugly, unlovable, and unremarkable, then why would such a beautiful, loving, exceptional, heavenly visitation happen to me and so often, and just at the moment of need or humble appeal? 

The answer comes and with the light. It vibrates over me in a joyous outpouring of loving kindness that I can feel on a cellular level. It tells me:

You are a child of light. 
You are loved and worth loving. 
You are endowed with divine gifts and you have something to contribute. 
Trust me. 

And it takes away all worry in its wake. I'm left in the warmth of its golden splendor, the comfort of pure truth, truths that feel like peace and hope.


So advice to me: when the shadow self comes, pray. The light will cast her out. And simultaneously, it will change you into a kindred spirit, giving you divine deposits of beauty, strength and talent. You need never fear. 

2 comments:

  1. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen or had the pleasure of meeting. I knew instantly when I first saw you. Alone. Nervous. Not a smile in sight. I spoke to you. You almost seemed to doubt it was you that I was talking to. I spoke again and you turned and looked at me and gave me the first genuine smile that I in my life had ever seen up to that point. That child of light shined from you right then. So when that shadow creeps back attempting to cloud your God given gifts and your God given destiny, yes, pray but also don't forget to smile, Jacque. I love you.

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  2. Jacque, you constantly share your light with everyone around you. You are so genuine, insightful, intelligent and friendly. I see that child of light often. Believe her and seek her and keep reaching out to others. You are beautiful and you make a difference in my life.

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