An Unexpected Feast

"And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart." 

Jeremiah 29:13

I was perusing the September issue of the Ensign magazine earlier this week, expecting a pleasant experience but nothing super special. To my surprise, what began as a casual read soon became a lovely spiritual feast--one of those exceptional meals that delights with every bite and leaves one feeling springy and renewed. Each story, sermon and essay opened some invisible hatch to heaven for me. I was bathed in exquisite, comforting warmth again and again. These were my favorite bits: 

Henry B. Eyring's thoughts on prayer. I love how he writes--so simply. He makes every word matter. Every sentence feels so intentional, natural, gentle and true. He especially inspired me to continue a culture of fervent prayer with my kids. Each morning we say an opening prayer over breakfast to bless the day with kindness and patience and joy. Some days I feel like maybe what I'm doing doesn't matter. But when I read President Eyring's words, God told me that it matters more than I can possibly comprehend. I also felt endowed with the energy and strength to be more genuine in prayer and more receptive to God's loving counsel. I felt assured that He is there. 

I loved the suggestions given on marriage from an anonymous therapist. She talks about how many people may have stable marriages but oddly few couples actively try to better them. I loved that she said to talk to your companion about what you hope your relationship can become in five, ten or twenty years. I saw a flash of what I hope to be like for Marc and that made me see areas in my behavior that I can ask for heavenly help to change. I noticed spiritual gifts to seek out. My favorite thing she said was actually a quote by President Howard W. Hunter. I don't have it in front of me at the moment but it went something like "everything that Jesus puts his hands on lives...if he puts his hands on your marriage, it lives...if he puts his hands on your family, it lives..." That rang true to me. Especially in the sense that when we keep our covenants, the divine nature enters our relationships and makes them holy. Suddenly I saw that being sealed to someone for time and all eternity means being able to enjoy a perfect, God-like relationship because of keeping covenants that let the Lord bless it into that kind of living organism. 

I also loved an article written by a temple sealer on marriage. Someone asked him why the temple endowment dwells so much on Adam and Eve if it is supposed to be about Christ. He responds that it is the story of two people accepting the atonement. It shows us how to accept it and make it an active agent in our lives. He references the temple's use of altars as symbols of sacrifice. His words really opened my mind up to appreciate the temple and what it can teach me about the purpose of life and partnership and parenting and the process of being refined by the spirit. 

I went to bed feeling as light as a feather. The spirit is such a delight, and such a need, really. I don't realize sometimes until I feel replenished by it, how thirsty I was, how limp and starving. But I find that it is there, again and again, waiting patiently for me to receive it. I know God is so aware of our spiritual needs. He will come to us, especially if we invite Him in. Inviting Him in can start with a simple gesture, like asking a question in prayer and actually waiting for a reply, or sitting still after reading a scripture, or serving a friend, or even just glancing over the Ensign at the end of a long day. 

The Deepest Doctrines

Lovely reader, hello!

I've been thinking about this speech given at a FAIR conference a few days ago by a rather young woman named Cassandra Hedelius. It impressed me by its frankness on the subject of something she refers to as Mormon Gnosticism: an attitude or belief system of practicing or non-practicing Mormons that emphasizes personal revelation and "deep doctrines" lost or unknown by the general body of the church and de-emphasizes the need for prophets or an organized church. By constructing a scriptural framework for how revelation is received for the church, Hedelius demonstrates that the notions of Gnostic thinkers do not hold as truth under pressure.

Upon reading it, the spirit really cleared my mind and energized my heart. This paragraph particularly sung to me:

"There are no 'deep doctrines,' because there are no shallow doctrines that we can outgrow and deemphasize. The deepest doctrines are faith in Christ, repentance, obedience, and service."

I have to admit that there have been and sometimes still are times when I think I'm a better thinker or a more spiritual person than my fellow church members. Reading this helped me want to reach out and be kind and serve in the church rather than judge or withdraw from others.

It also made me feel more grateful for the first principles and ordinances of the gospel, for simple, beautiful truths that cannot crumble. Truths like Jesus Christ is our savior, or the perfect doctrine that because of Christ we can repent and be clean. I'm grateful for personal revelation. The gift of the Holy Ghost is a stunning and real power that gives incredible comfort, guidance and protection. I'm equally grateful that pure authority to perform saving ordinances exists, that the living Christ speaks today--and clearly through a church. I'm grateful this church exists to turn hearts toward each other. The spirit really does inspire sociality and unanimity. I feel peace in these things and wanted to write them and leave them with you. I guess there is so much more I could say about it, but sometimes less is more.

True Love

Dearest reader,

For the past couple of months I've been thinking about what marriage means, why it matters, how it is kept and cultivated. 

I think  it matters because it's everything. And it is kept and cultivated by true love. 

What do I mean by everything? I mean that life without it is unfathomable. I can't imagine a world of individuals.  If no one married. What would a world like that look like? Feel like? I love what commitment and home-building do for two people and for those spirits they bring here.  I love how such a commitment  can help grow souls in all the divine ways. 

I have my temptations and fears. My what-if panic attacks. But I know that when I'm at my best I feel fall-on-my-knees grateful for someone who loves me even at my weakest, who blesses me at my frailest and cries and worries over me at my darkest. 

Swelling love spills out of my frame for this man who creates new, sweet life with me, who laughs and talks with me sometimes into deep, wee hours without even noticing the time pass, who tells me to forget my cellulite--that I'm stunning.  I feel privileged to wake up to tend to our babies with him, to call him home, to see him growing crow's feet on the edges of his eyes.  I love the way he says sorry, the way he sighs about how good people are and the way he tends to trees. He is truly completion to my soul. I  see how we unlock each other's potential. All of our experiences, feelings, disagreements, mistakes, make ups--all seem like colorful threads in the tapestry we are weaving together. He is my everything. 

But I don't know if that would be true without the gospel of Jesus. 

Moroni 7:45 has been a guiding star in teaching me the ways of true love. It says: 

And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

I'm still marveling over these words since I read them this weekend with the context of marriage in mind. They are perfect. It is this quality and consciousness of love that makes a meaningful marriage. I've been thinking about how important it is to stay soft in spirit when I'm angry and want to clam up. Or how helpful it is to lift his burdens and put him first when I might be so tempted to pursue my own thing.

I love this quote by Elder Faust: Marriage is the joint quest for the good, the beautiful and the divine. How true.

So in the name of love, enjoy this talk by Elder Holland and these words by M. Catherine Thomas.

Heirs Together of the Grace of Life by M. Catherine Thomas

And happy five years to my beloved Marc. May there be many more to come.

Christian Buoyancy

Hello! 

What a week it has been. Since it is late Sunday evening and I am absolutely ready for bed I thought I would just share a favorite quote and a lovely link. Enjoy these words by Harry Emerson Fosdick and Elder Enzio Busche:

 "Some Christians carry their religion on their backs. It is a packet of beliefs and practices which they must bear. At times it grows heavy and they would willingly lay it down, but that would mean a break with old traditions, so they shoulder it again. But real Christians do not carry their religion, their religion carries them. It is not weight, it is wings. It lifts them up, it sees them over hard places. It makes the universe seem friendly, life purposeful, hope real, sacrifice worthwhile. It sets them free from fear, futility, discouragement, and sin---the great enslaver of men's souls. You can know a real Christian when you see him, by his buoyancy."